InsaneJournal

There was a time when love was blindMelinda May was warm, often finding trouble around every corner. She felt that rules were to be broken. That was a Melinda that enjoyed the friendships that SHIELD had given to her. A Melinda that enjoyed pranking her friends and colleagues. A Melinda that saw fighting four guys at once as "fun." She was a Melinda that went through men like paper towels. She was a Melinda that became a loving wife. A Melinda that wanted nothing more than to start a family with her husband and continue working in the field.

All it took was one mission to tear that Melinda apart. To destroy the Melinda that everyone knew. Bahrain gave birth to a new Melinda May. One who now recoiled from physical contact; especially contact that involved one's hands. A Melinda who now distanced herself from everyone; including her loved ones. A Melinda who became quieter than the Melinda of old. This new Melinda felt undeserving of any form of love. And she certainly couldn’t raise a child. Marriage, motherhood and the field no longer fit into her life. This new May liked her solitude and her small cubicle in Administration.

To properly explain in depth who the hell Melinda May is, beyond Pre-Bahrain and Post-Bahrain, one should look at who she has surrounded herself with. Each and every person that she allows into her life is a window into the person that she was, is and has the potential to be again.

First there’s Phil Coulson. Phil Coulson is a window into the deep and long lasting friendships that she is capable of forming. Friendships that run so deep that she would do whatever is necessary to protect them. SHIELD was built on the idea of protection and May takes it much farther than her fellow agents. Yes, she is willing to go farther for Phil Coulson than any other but she has also known him the longest. She has also been in love with him for far longer than she is willing to admit. Melinda suffered through losing him once and if she can prevent that from happening a second time she will. By any means necessary. Once Melinda May lets you in you have a protector for life. Unless of course you betray her. Then she will become your worst nightmare.

Next there was Grant Ward. Grant Ward represents the part of Melinda that knows the benefits of a distraction. Distractions are beneficial when one does not want to acknowledge or work through their demons. Ward is also a window into the Melinda that is finally at a point where she’ll allow physical contact back in. For so long she had avoided it along with building any new relationships. But with Ward she found her kindred spirit in that he too had been through something traumatic. They could both use the other and it wouldn't be an issue. Her willingness to even use him was a sign that she was perhaps willing to come out of her shell. However, it is important to note that after his betrayal she closed herself off to embracing distractions and made protecting her team her highest priority.

Tripp, Hunter, Bobbi, Yo-Yo and Mack - at one time - all represent the Melinda that holds people at a distance. The Melinda that does not trust anyone. Especially following the fall of SHIELD. To truly get to know her you have to prove your loyalty and earn her trust. And once you’ve done that well you have someone who will do anything to protect you.

Next we have FitzSimmons. FitzSimmons is a window into the young, inexperienced but enthusiastic SHIELD agent that she was once upon a time. The Melinda that was excited for every mission. A Melinda that would request an assignment with Phil Coulson. For no other reason than she enjoyed working with him and pushing his buttons. They represent an innocence that was completely destroyed following Bahrain. Because she see's her old self in them she is determined to protect them. To help them maintain that youthful innocence.

Lastly, we have Daisy. Oh sweet precious Daisy. Daisy was once a window into pre-Bahrain May. A May that felt that rules should be broken from time to time. A May that knew how to have fun. Daisy is ultimately a representation of the daughter that she and Andrew could have had. The daughter that she always dreamed of raising.

Daisy was also a window into the May who is afraid of failing. A May that falls short of the facade that she has let others see. When Daisy (then Skye) was struggling with her powers she became a representation of the little girl that she couldn't save. For 7 long years Melinda struggled with what she was forced to do. Her actions made her into a different person. May was once again confronted with that same fear. Before her is the girl she see's as a daughter struggling with a power that she can't control. But this time she is filled with determination. Determination to not fail a second time. And each time since then - that Daisy has struggled with her choices and the consequences - May has flashbacks to the little girl that she couldn’t save.

Skilled Fighter:May is excellent at hand to hand combat. She might even hold more blackbelts than Black Widow herself but good luck accurately determining that. When it comes to a fight most agents go in with their weapon of choice or whatever they are given. But not Melinda May. Melinda will take a gun, knife, even a piece of broken furniture, if she needs one.

Skilled Pilot:In the course of her field training she also took the necessary courses to become a registered pilot. And though SHIELD had their own “fleet” of aircrafts available to them she is pretty much able to fly just about anything. She is also skilled enough that she can creatively outfly aircrafts that are tailing them and/or attempting to lock on to fire on them.

Tai Chi:Her mother, Lian, taught her at a very young age the basics of Tai Chi and she has never forgotten it or stopped. In fact, every morning at 5 am she awakes and spends at minimum an hour doing it. Tai Chi helps her remain focused during a fight and not act rashly, most of the time

Pianist:No one save for her ex husband is aware of the fact that she is a pretty damn good pianist. After Bahrain she couldn’t find it in her to play anymore as it reminded her of the happier times in her life. But she has never forgotten how to play. Someone just needs to coerce her into playing and then you all shall be amazed.

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